School Woes

On Monday, I am meeting with Ben’s teacher, Mrs. P., after school.  K, Ben’s tutor, will also be joining us for this meeting. We are getting together to discuss goals for him to achieve between now and the end of the year. What I left unspoken in my request for the meeting was so that Ben will get promoted to 2nd grade.

 He is reading now and seems to grasp concepts quickly – especially in math and social studies/science. But when he hits a wall in the learning department, he acts up in class. Well, golly, but he gets new information just about every week. And the reading/language arts parts of it are no longer verbal. They are presented in writing. This morphs his confusion into stress – he falls out of his chair, he taps his pencil, he chats up his neighbors – anything to relieve the stress of hitting that wall. And this lowers his confidence and his self-talk becomes defeatist which makes homework nightmarish.

 Last night, after a good day at school, he read over 30 pages of book. Yeah, he struggled with a few of the tougher words, but he read and he understood and he enjoyed. He also happily wrote sentences for his tutor using a new group of pronouns. Now, tonight he may shut down over reviewing spelling words for his test tomorrow and writing two more sentences to complete his homework. I am also finding that he’s paralyzed when he’s being timed or told he has to hurry. Yay. He’s being tested on sight words next week and has to get 70 in a minute. Epic acting out will probably ensue.

But, I am scared to push this with the school. My interactions with administration to this point have led me to the conclusion that ADD/ADHD is something they handle well. IEP, meds, accommodations – bingo you’re great. After all (my personal opinion here), the kids on meds aren’t acting out anymore in class. But, I believe Ben has PTSD – not ADD. I continue to look at both and the triggers and the results and I don’t see ADD. Ped, OT and other trusted teachers have not seen ADD either. But the teacher looks at me like I am without any sense at all when I mention trauma and stress to her. I also am not excited about the school psychologist or curriculum specialist doing the labeling of Ben. It’s too hard to fight the labels the schools give. All the teachers know and treat the child accordingly. Again – my fear. As if the international adopted stigma is just not enough.

Frankly, I am also having to stretch myself in this area. I was an overachiever. I did well in school and, with a couple of exceptions, it came easy to me. Especially up until high school. My learning to read was not something my parents sweated over. And, I was the perfect child at school. Nauseating, really. But there it is. Classic middle child terrified of doing anything wrong that might make anyone mad at me. Straight A’s. Whew. Teachers’ pet. Whew.

I am at a loss as to how much to say – what to say – how hard to push. I will keep his tutor until he’s out of high school if I need to.  Will keep you posted on results of meeting.