Teacher Conference

This morning, at 7:00 am, was my first Parent/Teacher Conference. If it is indicative of the next 50 or so of these I will attend before high school graduation, then Ben and I might actually make it to his adulthood relatively unscathed.

I like his teacher. She is prompt, organized, runs a structured classroom and knows that boys are active - really active. Ben completely aced the math section of his first assessment and did just fine on recognizing upper and lower case letters (18 of 26). He did not get any sight words - highest goal was for 10. So, that's our area of work. Not a new issue - a bit of emotional residue left on that from last year. Since he won't (absolutely won't) wear his glasses, this is likely to continue to be an uphill battle.

Socially, Ben is good at playing with others and also entertains himself. He talks too much and does not always listen to instructions, but Ms. Fab Teacher is working on that with him. She saw no reason for us to make a big deal out of this at home. I suggested giving him lots of tasks to help out with at school. He likes to help and it keeps him engaged in a productive activity. It also works as a salve for his post-institutional craving for individual recognition within a group setting. Of course, since he now is the proud owner of a whoopee cushion, he may just monopolize all class conversation today with the recounting of fart noises. Boys.

My part-time job is interesting. The actual work itself is not difficult (short of relearning Excel as a program), but the political structure, power wranglings and "there's always something to complain about" attitude is a bit shocking. So, I watch how Ms. Boss handles it and I learn.

Hair is still good. Hubby does not like it, but it will grow longer and maybe he'll be okay with it then. I am not posting a pic. All girl friends have raved over the cut and color, so it must not be too awful. With hubby, I feel like Heather Graham's character in Anger Management - hubby has to "stifle his vomit" just to look at me. Ben likes it better straight (or smooth as he says). Maybe when it gets cooler and less humid I can try that.

Gonna go hang with Mom today. Have a great week.

Moving on

I just published my rough post from September 9th. I was really struggling and trying to put into words what was happening with Ben.

Ten days later, it's as if a storm had rolled through and stayed for two months but has now blown over. First Ben is completely ROCKING kindergarten. Fabulous reports from school, "great day" stickers, checks a book out from the library every day, and can't wait to get up and get ready for school. His progress report from his teacher declared that Ben listens and follows directions, can control his behavior, is on target with all skills, is making friends and is respectful and courteous to students and teachers.

At home, Ben is a different child from the one I wrote about 10 short days ago. He's polite, he uses manners, gentle hands and asks before taking. He's not bugging Bogie, he's back to some quiet play and he actually took a nap yesterday.

I am quietly berating myself. I knew it could pass - this awful scary adjustment. Ben's brain and heart have decided after four weeks of school that it is safe for him to leave home, be gone for a long time, and come back again. Kurt and I will still be here. He does not have to remind us constantly that he is "here" with his defiance and acting out. He does not have to control every interaction he has with us.

My biggest concern was the "what if it does not pass?". I don't want to only experience the angry, controlling, manipulative and challenging Ben. I need the funny, charming, incredibly bright Ben that laughs at my jokes and critiques my outfits. I also have such low patience - even on mild meds - that we are not compatible at all on some tough days.

So, raise a glass and toast the return of my sweet darling Ben. Make no mistake - he's still 5 and all boy - but the storm has passed and the skies are clearing.

Oh, and I got a haircut (just for you, L). It's a chin-length bob. Today it's curly. I am feeling a bit poodle-headed, but I like it. It's rather chic (even on dorky me) when it's straightened. No pics yet.

September

Well, good news first. Ben is enjoying his not-so-new class now. His former girlfriend (from Pre-K) is in his class and that helped with his comfort level. But Ben's love is fickle. This week he's in love with the girl who sits diagonally across from him. I met her (Miss P) today and she's beautiful and very nice. I also met Ben's new friend-who's-a-boy (J).

I went to have lunch with Ben at school today. The cafeteria food is still awful. I took a protein bar to eat. Ben's lunchtime is 10:40-11:10 - who can eat THAT early? And, he was eating fried popcorn shrimp, mac n cheese, a fruit cup with sour cream (WTH???) on it, and an ice cream. He must have a cast iron stomach. yuck.

We are still having kindy adjustment (okay, I am guessing they're adjustment) issues at home. Ben is highly impulsive and it's compromising the safety of him, our dog and me. I just deleted the whole story about Ben trying to carve a whole watermelon with a carving knife (you can see where this one's headed). I also won't go into the incessant pestering of my little sweet 7 pound dog. Ben actually had the nerve to get upset the other day after Bogie nipped him on the upper lip. I was not my most sympathetic.

Most often are the times I say "no" to Ben.

No, Ben, you may not have more snacks.

No, Ben, you may not leave the house without me.

No, Ben, you may not throw frisbees inside.

No, Ben, you may not eat a grape popsicle on the new furniture.

It's all a challenge to Ben. I can almost hear him say "yeah? just watch me". Thank God that he's not being defiant at school. His teachers describe him as happy and energetic.

We are looking into the next level of help. We have been referred to a clinical psychologist who specializes in child and family issues and is also an IA Mom.

I keep praying for patience. I think I hear God snickering behind her hand. I wonder if I might have been a challenge in a previous life.