Ok. I understand my circumstances. I am 43 years old and the Mom of a four year old. This makes me thankful and tired. I am not whining here, just stating a fact.
Now, here's the whine. When did the parts start falling apart? This week, it's my right shoulder. I think I've strained a ligament or tendon. This is going to ruin any chances I have of being a major league starting pitcher. How will I take the Braves to a World Series if I can't lift my coffee cup without wincing?
Also, when did the print get so small I can't read it? Kurt and I went out to dinner with our friends (P&S). The restaurant was lovely, though dimly lit. Kurt and I could not read the small type on the menu - it was funny, but only a little bit. I think I have hit the threshold for readers. Do I have to buy the "old lady" chains that go with them?
I am hoping to have surgery in March to remove a broken uterus. One of my friends was shocked that I would consider this, but I feel like I am carrying a faulty and shorting toaster inside me. If it doesn't work and only adds to the problems, then why keep it?
And then there's the crows feet and neck wrinkles that magically appeared when I wasn't paying attention. Dang - should have used more moisturizer growing up. Sadly SPF did not appear on the scene until after I had cooked myself to a crisp growing up in the Florida sun.
So, getting old sucks. But getting old with a magical, surprising, amazing four year old, the best husband ever and an immortal Maltese suits me and my old parts just fine.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Working here...
I don't want you to think I am neglecting my blog. I am actually trying to pull together our adoption story to share. I have to find the pix from Russia that I want to post, resize, blah blah...
I am hoping to have it up on the blog by the weekend. It will be in parts.
On a lighter note, I had dinner with two duckies last night. One local (S) and one from CA (R). I had a blast. S and I met on the ducky adoption board and now have been friends IRL for several years. R was in town for a conference and it was our first time meeting IRL.
We spent several hours together over dinner and I could have stayed and talked some more. Delightful, funny, Moms - they are both amazing women.
Okay, back to working on my adoption story.
I am hoping to have it up on the blog by the weekend. It will be in parts.
On a lighter note, I had dinner with two duckies last night. One local (S) and one from CA (R). I had a blast. S and I met on the ducky adoption board and now have been friends IRL for several years. R was in town for a conference and it was our first time meeting IRL.
We spent several hours together over dinner and I could have stayed and talked some more. Delightful, funny, Moms - they are both amazing women.
Okay, back to working on my adoption story.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Home Three Years
Well today is our three year anniversary home with Ben. We landed at Hartsfield Airport around 4:30 in the afternoon on January 14, 2007. It was a Sunday. It took us about three hours to get through customs and immigration once we landed. It was completely absurd. We had to wait (along with about a dozen other newly formed families) in the same line as all the adult immigrants. Hmmmm...I doubt my 13 month old son is on a watch list anywhere. I mean, come on, he doesn't talk, he poops in his pants and he has no teeth. Doubtful he's smuggling anything other than organic matter in his diaper.
We live on the other side of Atlanta from the airport. Ben was almost asleep as we finally got to our car in the park and ride lot. Just as we were getting into my car a plane took off and went directly over us. So much for a peaceful moment. Then, Ben would not, absolutely would not, get in the car seat. He was losing it. Kurt and I were so tired from being awake for 24 hours straight that we gave in. Kurt sat in the back seat with Ben on his lap and the seat belt over both of them. I drove home. I remember thinking to myself that I had never been that tired and driving at the same time.
It was a long first night. There have been many long nights since. I would not trade one of them.
We live on the other side of Atlanta from the airport. Ben was almost asleep as we finally got to our car in the park and ride lot. Just as we were getting into my car a plane took off and went directly over us. So much for a peaceful moment. Then, Ben would not, absolutely would not, get in the car seat. He was losing it. Kurt and I were so tired from being awake for 24 hours straight that we gave in. Kurt sat in the back seat with Ben on his lap and the seat belt over both of them. I drove home. I remember thinking to myself that I had never been that tired and driving at the same time.
It was a long first night. There have been many long nights since. I would not trade one of them.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Silly boy
On a lighter note, Ben and Abby were playing with his new camera. That's Ben, Abby and Ben's foot in one picture.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Lost
As a prelude to this post, I will say that Ben and I made brownies yesterday after school. He'd been asking for them so I picked up a box mix and we had a good time making them. Of course, once they were done, he wanted more than one. A small fit ensued and then blew over.
Kurt got home from work last night and updated me on some long-time acquaintances of ours. Last we spoke to them, they were expecting their first child after many years of fertility struggles. Kurt told me after dinner that our friends lost their baby.
Ben, who was in the next room, came in and asked who lost their baby and how. Of course, our euphemism was confusing to him. Kurt gently explained about the baby not living and going to be with God. Nothing more was said by Ben.
This morning, Ben pitched two HUGE fits over me not allowing him to have brownies for breakfast. I just did not get it - usually he eats his Cheerios or toast and is quite happy. I told him that we would have a brownie for snack after school. Ben got louder and started crying and hitting me. I was already tired and grumpy, so you can see how this became "not one of my best moments". Finally, I am trying to get him into his coat so we can go to school, he's still crying a little and looks up at me and quietly says "I don't want to be lost".
My heart just dropped. I sank to my knees in front of him and, through my own tears, promised him he would never be lost. I would always keep him and stay with him. Then he said "I don't want you to be lost either. I would be too sad.". Knife #2 plunges in and sticks deep. I told him that I wanted to live to be very, very old and would do everything in my power to make that happen. Oh boy.
On the way to school I asked him about being mad today. He said he is mad and afraid of me being lost.
Two things on my to-do list today. One - work out so I can stay healthy for my child. Two - read Orchid Children article from start to finish.
Kurt got home from work last night and updated me on some long-time acquaintances of ours. Last we spoke to them, they were expecting their first child after many years of fertility struggles. Kurt told me after dinner that our friends lost their baby.
Ben, who was in the next room, came in and asked who lost their baby and how. Of course, our euphemism was confusing to him. Kurt gently explained about the baby not living and going to be with God. Nothing more was said by Ben.
This morning, Ben pitched two HUGE fits over me not allowing him to have brownies for breakfast. I just did not get it - usually he eats his Cheerios or toast and is quite happy. I told him that we would have a brownie for snack after school. Ben got louder and started crying and hitting me. I was already tired and grumpy, so you can see how this became "not one of my best moments". Finally, I am trying to get him into his coat so we can go to school, he's still crying a little and looks up at me and quietly says "I don't want to be lost".
My heart just dropped. I sank to my knees in front of him and, through my own tears, promised him he would never be lost. I would always keep him and stay with him. Then he said "I don't want you to be lost either. I would be too sad.". Knife #2 plunges in and sticks deep. I told him that I wanted to live to be very, very old and would do everything in my power to make that happen. Oh boy.
On the way to school I asked him about being mad today. He said he is mad and afraid of me being lost.
Two things on my to-do list today. One - work out so I can stay healthy for my child. Two - read Orchid Children article from start to finish.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Doctor Visits
This afternoon was Ben's four year old checkup.
Our pediatrician, Dr. W., is an international adoption specialist. She has given us sound advice since our very first visit. She has been as valuable and informative as the books I so highly recommend. She's also the Mom to three cuties from Guatemala.
So, Ben knew that he was going to get shots today. You can't surprise him with this info - he needs several days to mentally adjust to the facts. Kurt went with us because it's too hard physically for me to restrain Ben enough for the nurse to get the shots done. I felt awful for him - three shots. He's downstairs sacked out in the big red chair right now.
Results. Ben is 53 pounds and 42 inches tall. He's in the 80th percentile for height and 95+ percentile for weight. Dr. W. is thrilled. When Ben came home at 13 months old, he was in the 10th percentile for height and 20th percentile for weight. He's a stocky, solid kid. She has no worries about his current, off-the-chart-trend. He passed his first vision and hearing screening as well. Whew.
Dr. W. also understands and supports us with Ben's sensory and sleep issues. It's always a relief to hear someone agree with me. There are days I feel like Don Quixote tilting at windmills trying to get buy in on this issue. The reality is that only Kurt and I need to agree on how to raise Ben. No one else gets a vote. Some days even Kurt does not get a vote (don't tell him I said that, ok?)
So, a new year has started off right and Ben is ready to face 2010 - deemed healthy, happy, and vaccinated.
Tomorrow is my annual mammogram visit. Should have results in a week or so. Just letting you know that I am doing my part to keep my girls in order.
Our pediatrician, Dr. W., is an international adoption specialist. She has given us sound advice since our very first visit. She has been as valuable and informative as the books I so highly recommend. She's also the Mom to three cuties from Guatemala.
So, Ben knew that he was going to get shots today. You can't surprise him with this info - he needs several days to mentally adjust to the facts. Kurt went with us because it's too hard physically for me to restrain Ben enough for the nurse to get the shots done. I felt awful for him - three shots. He's downstairs sacked out in the big red chair right now.
Results. Ben is 53 pounds and 42 inches tall. He's in the 80th percentile for height and 95+ percentile for weight. Dr. W. is thrilled. When Ben came home at 13 months old, he was in the 10th percentile for height and 20th percentile for weight. He's a stocky, solid kid. She has no worries about his current, off-the-chart-trend. He passed his first vision and hearing screening as well. Whew.
Dr. W. also understands and supports us with Ben's sensory and sleep issues. It's always a relief to hear someone agree with me. There are days I feel like Don Quixote tilting at windmills trying to get buy in on this issue. The reality is that only Kurt and I need to agree on how to raise Ben. No one else gets a vote. Some days even Kurt does not get a vote (don't tell him I said that, ok?)
So, a new year has started off right and Ben is ready to face 2010 - deemed healthy, happy, and vaccinated.
Tomorrow is my annual mammogram visit. Should have results in a week or so. Just letting you know that I am doing my part to keep my girls in order.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Getting Through
The holidays were actually pretty nice this year. Ben had a fabulous time with his birthday and Christmas. We spent time with my family and with Kurt's, too. It was much less stressful than I imagined it would be.
But still. This is the first year without my grandmother. She died unexpectedly in June. This is the second set of holidays without Dad and in 2007 he underwent his stem cell transplant on December 20th, so he was not with us then either. Experts say that the first round of holidays is the toughest. Once you get through that first year, it gets easier.
I don't know if easier is really an accurate term. What I have found is that nothing is ever the same. Not only is there an empty chair to match the empty place inside of you, but the traditions change. My Mom's family used to go every Christmas Day to my grandparents' house for a huge lunch. My Grandmother made a very dry turkey and we all supplemented with sides and desserts. If all were in town, there were at least 30 of us. Now, my Mom's brother and sister are hosting their own families in Florida and we are up here in Georgia. Together - but different.
I know that time passes and everyone passes on. I really do know it. But, at the holidays it just seems so glaring.
My Great-Uncle Fred died on Christmas Day. He lived a great life full of love and serving those around him. He will be missed and I regret that I did not take more opportunities to spend time with him. His step-granddaughter sang at his funeral. She was amazing. Of course, she sang a song that rings in my heart, The Lord's Prayer. Now, understanding that I have a ton of music in my background, almost majored in piano/voice, blah, blah, blah...I take complete ownership of being a music snob. When I say a person has a great voice - I really mean it. Susan has an angel voice - pure, easy to watch and listen. And to her it's all about the music, not about her. I spoke to her after the funeral and she mentioned she worked for Emory. I assumed the University (in music, of course). She laughed and said that she worked for Emory Hospital as an Infectious Disease Doctor working with the indigent population in the city hospital. Ok - so she's an angel working in two areas.
To those who have passed on this year and those I will miss forever, may I always remember your legacies - unconditional love, unshakable faith, unwavering truth and two hands to help others.
But still. This is the first year without my grandmother. She died unexpectedly in June. This is the second set of holidays without Dad and in 2007 he underwent his stem cell transplant on December 20th, so he was not with us then either. Experts say that the first round of holidays is the toughest. Once you get through that first year, it gets easier.
I don't know if easier is really an accurate term. What I have found is that nothing is ever the same. Not only is there an empty chair to match the empty place inside of you, but the traditions change. My Mom's family used to go every Christmas Day to my grandparents' house for a huge lunch. My Grandmother made a very dry turkey and we all supplemented with sides and desserts. If all were in town, there were at least 30 of us. Now, my Mom's brother and sister are hosting their own families in Florida and we are up here in Georgia. Together - but different.
I know that time passes and everyone passes on. I really do know it. But, at the holidays it just seems so glaring.
My Great-Uncle Fred died on Christmas Day. He lived a great life full of love and serving those around him. He will be missed and I regret that I did not take more opportunities to spend time with him. His step-granddaughter sang at his funeral. She was amazing. Of course, she sang a song that rings in my heart, The Lord's Prayer. Now, understanding that I have a ton of music in my background, almost majored in piano/voice, blah, blah, blah...I take complete ownership of being a music snob. When I say a person has a great voice - I really mean it. Susan has an angel voice - pure, easy to watch and listen. And to her it's all about the music, not about her. I spoke to her after the funeral and she mentioned she worked for Emory. I assumed the University (in music, of course). She laughed and said that she worked for Emory Hospital as an Infectious Disease Doctor working with the indigent population in the city hospital. Ok - so she's an angel working in two areas.
To those who have passed on this year and those I will miss forever, may I always remember your legacies - unconditional love, unshakable faith, unwavering truth and two hands to help others.
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