On Monday, I am meeting with Ben’s teacher, Mrs. P., after school. K, Ben’s tutor,
will also be joining us for this meeting. We are getting together to discuss
goals for him to achieve between now and the end of the year. What I left
unspoken in my request for the meeting was so that Ben will get promoted to
2nd grade.
He is reading now and seems to grasp concepts quickly – especially in math
and social studies/science. But when he hits a wall in the learning department,
he acts up in class. Well, golly, but he gets new information just about every
week. And the reading/language arts parts of it are no longer verbal. They are
presented in writing. This morphs his confusion into stress – he falls out of
his chair, he taps his pencil, he chats up his neighbors – anything to relieve
the stress of hitting that wall. And this lowers his confidence and his self-talk
becomes defeatist which makes homework nightmarish.
Last night, after a good day at school, he read over 30 pages of book. Yeah, he struggled with a few of the tougher words, but he read
and he understood and he enjoyed. He also happily wrote sentences for his tutor
using a new group of pronouns. Now, tonight he may shut down over reviewing
spelling words for his test tomorrow and writing two more sentences to complete
his homework. I am also finding that he’s paralyzed when he’s being timed or
told he has to hurry. Yay. He’s being tested on sight words next week and has
to get 70 in a minute. Epic acting out will probably ensue.
But, I am scared to push this with the school. My interactions with
administration to this point have led me to the conclusion that ADD/ADHD is
something they handle well. IEP, meds, accommodations – bingo you’re great.
After all (my personal opinion here), the kids on meds aren’t acting out anymore
in class. But, I believe Ben has PTSD – not ADD. I continue to look at both
and the triggers and the results and I don’t see ADD. Ped, OT and other trusted
teachers have not seen ADD either. But the teacher looks at me like I am
without any sense at all when I mention trauma and stress to her. I also am
not excited about the school psychologist or curriculum specialist doing the
labeling of Ben. It’s too hard to fight the labels the schools give. All the
teachers know and treat the child accordingly. Again – my fear. As if
the international adopted stigma is just not enough.
Frankly, I am also having to stretch myself in this area. I was an
overachiever. I did well in school and, with a couple of exceptions, it came
easy to me. Especially up until high school. My learning to read was not
something my parents sweated over. And, I was the perfect child at school.
Nauseating, really. But there it is. Classic middle child terrified of doing
anything wrong that might make anyone mad at me. Straight A’s. Whew.
Teachers’ pet. Whew.
I am at a loss as to how much to say – what to say – how hard to push. I
will keep his tutor until he’s out of high school if I need to. Will keep you posted on results of meeting.
