Quick follow up

Ben's teacher sent me  an e-mail.  She apologized for the incident with the scratch on Ben's arm.  She assured me that the offender had been punished.  She also said that the boys in her class seem intent on hurting each other this year.  She's going to ask the school counselor to come in and talk to the class.

With three weeks left of school, I think this is probably the most she can do.  So, let's discuss how I will be changing my behavior as a result of this week's conflicts and confrontations.

Teacher confirmed that Ben's account of the arm-scratching episode was exactly accurate.  This means two things.

One, Ben told me the whole truth.  He was asked to help his classmate clean up after group time.  Ben went over to lend a hand.  Classmate got mad and scratched Ben.  Hard enough to need band aids. I must take what Ben tells me at home and pursue it with teacher in the future in order to protect and advocate for my son.

Second, Ben does not trust his teachers enough to tell them when a physical altercation occurs.  His remark to me is that when he tells the teachers about a problem they "tell him to go sit down and do his work".  Ben then stops telling them anything.  Case in point was the fingernail incident with Other Classmate.  The gouge on Ben's arm was deep enough to bleed, scab and leave a scar and he said nothing to the teachers about it.  Again, he had been asked by the teacher to "help Other Classmate" and Other Classmate got mad.

So, I am learning. I am also thinking that Ben's acting out behavior in the past few weeks may be linked to this toxic dynamic in the classroom.  Post-institutional and trauma-brain coping skills are like that.  Ben copes by "reminding" a person, usually in a negative attention way, that he exists and needs care.  If he feels that his teachers are not going to back him up, treat him fairly, or attend to his needs, then he will act out in order for him to prove his existence.  This is how he copes and how he has coped since before I met him.  The baby house workers told me this the first time I met Ben. 

I know that Ben has to work through and with the class dynamic - and somehow manage to actually learn the curriculum.  I am eagerly awaiting summer break.