Yeah, that's what Ben says when he's flummoxed by a situation and knows that he'll get in trouble for adding any words to the end of that question.
Ben's classroom behavior is all riled up again. He's resistant to the work. He finds the electric pencil sharpener much more interesting than Math Group. He and his ever-changing band of kindy-miscreants tickle, tease, insult, and think up new ways to torment each other and their teachers.
I get e-mails from the teacher, notes from the teacher and sometimes a dreaded "Refocus" form. I will take a moment here to roll my eyes. I like a Refocus form that tells me exactly the nature and scope of offense and the solution. Lately, I am getting chapter books on Ben's unwillingness to cooperate. Just say it and move on. I don't need chapter and verse of every offense. As far as I am concerned, by the time he gets home from school it's too late for me to deal with something that happened at 9:30 in the morning. It would be like me scolding my dog today for peeing on the carpet yesterday.
Intellectually, I understand that Ben must learn to behave according to class rules or he will have a miserable school experience - or even worse- end up being homeschooled by me. Now, homeschooling is great for some. I lack the genetic makeup to teach and my child who loves me "MORE MORE MORE" does not want me to teach him anything. So school it is.
However, he has also come home twice in the last two weeks with injuries imparted to him by other students. This makes me furious. Soul-shaking, swearing like a salty seaman, Mama Bear furious. One child grabbed hold of Ben's forearm and dug his fingernails in so hard that Ben had a puncture wound in the shape of a fingernail. Teacher and Asst. Teacher did not see it happen and Ben did not tell anyone so nothing happened.
As an aside, I have to wonder how Ben feels in his heart of hearts about his teachers. He usually does not trust a teacher enough to take care of him so he just does not tell them about physical altercations. This could make advocating for him.
Yesterday, Ben got off the bus with two band aids on his arm. Asst Teacher put them there to cover a deep scratch given to him by another student. The scratch still looks red this morning and it's over three inches long. What the ??? Is Ben leaving his marks on other students?
I sent a late-night e-mail to the teacher yesterday. The black-hole that my child enters everyday at 7:20 and leaves at 2:20 prevents me from understanding and experiencing the class dynamic and chemistry. I have visited the school and class often enough to know the children by sight, but I don't know who the instigator is and who the followers are. Ben might be leading the charge of misbehavior or he might be following along.
I am waiting to hear from Teacher. I respect her and genuinely like her. I am hopeful that she will be able to impart some fill in information for me. Ben is a lot of things, but he is not much of a liar (really bad at it) and confesses his wrongdoings to pretty much anyone who will listen.
Is his behavior related to the confrontations with classmates? Is he just tired of school? I know he's struggling still with mastering his sight words. Is this causing him to act out? He rocks the Math work -so is he bored in math group? I have had conferences with both Teacher and Asst. Teacher. AT told me that "Ben will have trouble" in school unless he tows the line. She seems to be pretty old school. I was waiting for her to tell me that he needs meds. I am not seeing signs of any of the alphabet-disorders. And, trust me, I look.
Oh, and the best part. Ben was sent to the Principal's office this week for threatening another child in his class. He said that he was going to punch her and then punched his palm with his other hand. The Asst Principal called me and lectured us both on how serious this offense was. The school has a zero tolerance policy on bullying and threats. I get it. I was so upset as was dear hubby. Ben has been punished in a manner we feel is age-appropriate and meaningful.
But he did not touch his classmate.
Okay, just received an e-mail from the teacher. I better go read it and see what's up.
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3 comments:
So wait. HE got punished for punching his own fist, but NO ONE got punished for the puncture wound on his arm?
Yeah. That makes sense.
And FWIW, I think we got some profiling going on. Big, dark haired boy being singled out for being boisterous. Do not give him the meds unless you know he needs them no matter what they say. He fits a sterotype and that's what they are seeing.
I got the reverse going on.
We've had a challenging year at school. In spades. We've been on a daily behavior book for communication since october. We started him in Karate, and things are turning around. Try Martial Arts. The teachers at Karate back up the teachers at school and the parents. C is finally getting it, and improving by leaps and bounds.
OK, am I the only one chuckling here? L got sent to the principal's office at the beginning of 5th grade for the exact same offense!! A kid was bullying him verbally, wouldn't back off, so L said "stop or this will be you" and twisted his OWN wrist!
My response to the principal was "why is is acceptable for this other kid to be taunting my kid for so long that my kid feels the need to defend himself?" No answer, of course.
Everything you are describing about Ben could be my L. Bright, but having issues with other kids. I hear you on the homeschooling option ... it has crossed my mind many times, but I can't swing it. So we switched schools ... and I am hoping that a new environment with smaller class sizes does the trick.
Big hugs to you girlfriend! It isn't easy for us Mamas!!!
Julie
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