The Connected Child Book Report

I feel like I am 6th grade again. But I really do want to share this book with you.

The Connected Child, by Dr. Karyn Purvis.

It's on Amazon, by the way.

I would love to say that I found this book while passing the aisles of the parenting section of A&B book stores (on my way to Womens World Fiction, of course). I would love to say that I find the title endearing, though not applicable to my circumstances. I would love to be self-righteous in my self-deprecation and only a little smug.

However, this book was recommended to me by my Mom. Ouch. Her best friend knows The Monroes. The Monroes are an adoptive couple who conduct parenting seminars with Dr. Purvis based on this book. They also host a website called Empowered to Connect. Mom and Pat (her BF) were discussing the latest "life with Ben" episodes and Pat suggested that I look the book over.

First, Dr. Purvis works at TCU in the Institute of Child Development. She works with children "from hard places." This includes but is not limited to IA, foster-adopt, foster, older child and special needs adoptions.

I read the Table of Contents and thought that Dr. P had been living in my house. Where PC (Dr. Patty Cogan) had enlightened us with the personality of our recent adoptee and the importance of understanding how the now is determined by the past, Dr. P gives word for word advice on how to deal with the storms, defiance, insecure attachments, and other leftover residues of the life these children had before us.

I readily admit that I will need to review this book at least monthly for a while. The parenting advice is counter-intuitive to the parenting I received, my DH received, my Mom received - hell, everyone I know was raised like I was. A yell was ok, a spank was fine when necessary and there were some tough rules.

So here I am with a strong-willed, hypervigilant, insecurely attached child whose actions tell me he is still depending on himself and not us for his care. When your child's first phrase is "I DO IT!" you should listen up.

I feel like I am negotiating Mid-East peace at times. Other times I throw up my emotional hands and decide that the battle is not worth fighting. And, even in this I am not consistent.

So Dr. P has chapters about solving the puzzle of difficult behavior, disarming the fear response with "felt safety", teaching life values, you are the boss, dealing with defiance, and nurturing. Oh yeah, here's a book for me.

I read this the first time before Thanksgiving and it really did help the traumaversaries. I feel myself backsliding into old habits (like screeching) and need to reread the chapters again.

There are even proactive strategies to make life easier. WHAT???? A whole chapter. Yep.

So I am endorsing this book as a companion piece to the science-based Parenting Your IA Child by Dr. P. Cogan. They work well together. And, frankly, if we're jumping through these hoops again with LS (little sister) then I am sure I will need to be on top of my game.