Time marches on

The last few weeks have been quite eventful. The job I "had conversations about" is not going to be vacant for another year. This is good news considering that my boss' position would be empty. So, in the meantime, I am going to be doing some as-needed-on-demand Admin work and enjoying the end of Ben's Pre-K career.

I realized tonight how much Ben has grown up in the past year. He had Karate class at 4:00, where, of course, he was able to almost qualify for a stripe on his belt by performing a combination, by himself with no coaching, that I had no idea he even knew. I am wondering if he's memorized times tables in his spare time yet...

After Karate, we decided to eat dinner out. Kurt is flying back tonight but not until much later so we can eat pretty much whatever we please - that means fast food. My rule was no pizza and no hotdog. Ben wanted a hamburger and shake, so we went to Steak and Shake. He wanted to eat inside and not do the drive through. So my guy and I had a dinner date over burgers and fries this evening. He was amazing. We talked about Karate, school, Dad coming home. Just stuff. He was coloring on the kids' menu, wearing the paper hat, and just being. No fits and spurts of energy or running in the restaurant. He used his polite manners (gemmanly, as he says) to ask for a second straw and extra napkins.

As a Mom I was thrilled with his public behavior. But, as HIS Mom, I was thrilled with having a fun hour to sit and talk together and just hang out. No meltdowns (had that already this morning; both of us), no backtalk or legal opening arguments on why he should be allowed to do X. He's a great kid and usually I am too busy Mothering him to see it.

I wonder about the future and Ben's ability to transition as a teenager and adult. Kurt is travelling about 2 weeks a month right now. It's okay for a few days and then gets really hard on Ben. He cries or gets mad at me. He has told me before that his fear is that Dad won't come back. So, I understand what's up. He also gets upset after he talks to Kurt on the phone - usually first thing in the morning. Today he was hitting me and I told him that he would not go to his class party today if he continued. Then the tears started. We just sat together and hugged for a few minutes.

He handles the rest of his day well (behavior at school, activities after school) but at night he really wants to sit and hang out with Kurt.

Another transition. Ben's OT is changing practices. Of course, busybody me gives her my home number and begs her to let us follow her. I think we can, but it will be a drive. I don't care - this OT and Ben are great together. I was NOT looking forward to breaking that news to him. He'll be ok with an office change.

Does this get easier? I think Ben tries to protect himself from being hurt, but he loves his teachers, his OT, his DAD. Yes, he loves me too, but I am here all the time. The outward signs of his grief manifest in such odd, small ways that usually only I witness. I wonder if he's ever going to be able to break up with a girlfriend or is he going to be the guy who still thinks "they're together".

Does this form of watchdog parenting of a stressed-brain child continue or abate as time goes along? Do the manifestations look more like typical teenager behaviors? Time to pull out the PC manual of child-rearing. I have seen listings for a couple of other books. I think I will check them out as well.

The developmental optometrist asked me if I had a background in nursing or medicine. I laughed and said, no, just a Mom who has done a lot of reading on how to do our best for this darling child. Fingers crossed and lots of prayers said - it will be just enough.