Lately, this has been my mantra. And it's me, this time, not Ben. I actually realized yesterday that Ben has "grown out" of several messy and annoying past times - like peeing on the walls and floor of the bathroom rather than into the toilet. It's been months since I have had the "don't make me buy pull ups for you" discussion. Funny what happens along the way while you're busy living. He's growing up so fast.
Anyway, I digress.
So, I have several decisions ahead of me. One I have already made - it's a two year deal and I am excited and yet nervous about it. I guess butterflies in the stomach are good. It's when you get woodpeckers in there that you worry.
Ahead of me lie decision dominoes in a row. Each decision leads me to the next. It's these times that I wish for a crystal ball - how will this all look in 6 months, 12 months, etc.? And, no, I can't discuss any of them yet. Sorry. I am not trying to tease. I am not considering adopting again, so everyone can relax on that one.
Only one decision lies before me that is truly irreversible in it's impact. So here I need to draw a deep breath, put on my big girl undies and be prepared for the fallout. I am scared, but compelled. My most important first step will be broaching this with Kurt. I wonder if he still checks my blog - I don't think so....
I have to have my reasons, pros, cons the whole deal in place in my head before I make this a family issue. Right now it's a lot of deep breathing and clear thinking.
Faith is a huge part of my life and my psyche. I know that things work out the way they are supposed to but the first step is so daunting. And I am so chicken.
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2 comments:
Strap on those big girl undies sistah. They fit you good.
We're all here cheering you on too.
Sending you lots of support no matter what it is. But I bet I know. ;-)
I'm wondering if I know too...Leigh, you're just too smug sometimes.
Ann...big girl panties and deal, bless your heart!
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