Getting Through

The holidays were actually pretty nice this year. Ben had a fabulous time with his birthday and Christmas. We spent time with my family and with Kurt's, too. It was much less stressful than I imagined it would be.

But still. This is the first year without my grandmother. She died unexpectedly in June. This is the second set of holidays without Dad and in 2007 he underwent his stem cell transplant on December 20th, so he was not with us then either. Experts say that the first round of holidays is the toughest. Once you get through that first year, it gets easier.

I don't know if easier is really an accurate term. What I have found is that nothing is ever the same. Not only is there an empty chair to match the empty place inside of you, but the traditions change. My Mom's family used to go every Christmas Day to my grandparents' house for a huge lunch. My Grandmother made a very dry turkey and we all supplemented with sides and desserts. If all were in town, there were at least 30 of us. Now, my Mom's brother and sister are hosting their own families in Florida and we are up here in Georgia. Together - but different.

I know that time passes and everyone passes on. I really do know it. But, at the holidays it just seems so glaring.

My Great-Uncle Fred died on Christmas Day. He lived a great life full of love and serving those around him. He will be missed and I regret that I did not take more opportunities to spend time with him. His step-granddaughter sang at his funeral. She was amazing. Of course, she sang a song that rings in my heart, The Lord's Prayer. Now, understanding that I have a ton of music in my background, almost majored in piano/voice, blah, blah, blah...I take complete ownership of being a music snob. When I say a person has a great voice - I really mean it. Susan has an angel voice - pure, easy to watch and listen. And to her it's all about the music, not about her. I spoke to her after the funeral and she mentioned she worked for Emory. I assumed the University (in music, of course). She laughed and said that she worked for Emory Hospital as an Infectious Disease Doctor working with the indigent population in the city hospital. Ok - so she's an angel working in two areas.

To those who have passed on this year and those I will miss forever, may I always remember your legacies - unconditional love, unshakable faith, unwavering truth and two hands to help others.